And I said meow meow meowww, meow meow meow, I SAID MEOW, What's going on?

Eggs for breakfast? I'm ova it.

I wish that my office and my apartment could reach thermal equilibrium.

"how to be more positive without bragging"

Note to fashion: I refuse to cinch a chunky belt around my stomach to define my waistline. I already have one. Start tailoring shirts.

The thought of my cat groggily waking up from anesthesia is almost worth the $400 this dental procedure will surely cost.

"I like mackerel because it lets you know it's fish" - @moldeagle

It was @moldeagle 's idea to eat Lebanese before seeing Beirut tonight at Crystal Ballroom. Nicely played.

We went to high school with a kid we nicknamed Puddle of Matt, because he looked like the guy from Puddle of Mudd and his name was Matt.

A tarantula is just an eight-legged cat