Are you there god? It's me, Chloe, and I'm confused by my post-partum shaped hips.

Getting ready to do my 3 miles around the waterfront after I finish this breakfast ice cream cone

Bon Iver is about as fun as someone else's funeral.

'Justice' is a great first name if you want people to assume you're on the Supreme Court.

RIP plant formerly known as 'Dying Ficus'

Do people still say 'crunk'? #lazyweb

My least favorite sound is definitely the sound of laughing children.

Multiple people in this karaoke bar look like my brother. /cc @jaredcrossweil

Q: Why did the patrons of the Windows restaurant have trouble determining what to order? A: Too many menus!

Mumford and Sons sounds like somebody vomited on the O Brother Where Art Thou soundtrack.