Alolhahaha

It's been night time the entire hour I've been in Hawaii; somehow I'm already sunburned.

MAZEL TOV COCKTAIL

TURING JAPANESE

A service that monitors your 4sq checkins and sends an ambulance to your house when it's been a while to see if you're depressed or dead

Not invited to any end of the world parties. Just as the Mayans predicted.

Prelude to a Kiss is the best movie http://t.co/gWzhPILX

The centerpiece of the film Pretty in Pink is the most hideous garment I have ever seen http://t.co/sfzdM9mJ

"Sweater dresses hide a multitude of sins but not the sin of being pear-shaped"

To the person on Reddit who said my cat looks like Steve Perry: You have ruined my day and my life.