Woman on the street, to her dog: "Sit. Sit. Sit. Sit. Sit. Sit. Sit. Sit."

Purim, Girl Scout cookies and Easter candy are all conspiring to keep me looking like an endomorphic acoustic guitar

Do you have your bed against an external wall in your apartment? It could be up against your neighbor's sofa, and I can feel you fucking.

Now YOU guys say, "Girlie so groovy."

Got me a satchel, I want you to know. http://t.co/pTG1KIrr23

Vaginasaurus Rex feminist dinosaur

Awful woman on train uses emergency callbox because a man wouldn't turn his music down, delays us all, doesn't know the meaning of emergency

Having the most Sam Lowriest of days

This commute is turning out to be two and a half hours per day for looking at pictures of Christoph Waltz on my phone.

I'm having a great time http://t.co/qIbYX8KV