OH: "image rotators are just huge ass banner ads telling you to go to the site you're already on" - @moldeagle"
"Oh god did feet die in this pie?" - me after sampling the unpalatable pear and gruyere pie I baked.
"How can I stop my face from breaking out?" is exactly what you ask when your cat's name is FACE and he keeps escaping your apartment.
New blog entry: Toronto Travel Bag http://t.co/m6kMyvlg
Don't even bother telling your Northern Irish boyfriend about your Roth "IRA"
I just accidentally elbowed my cat in the face while playing.
The cat who failed to not pee on the floor twice.
They turned a strip club into a seafood restaurant in my neighborhood but I won't eat there because it has crabs.
Crashed Evernote showing off my collection of farting emojis 🇺🇸💨
Oh god how can I put my cat into iCloud so I can have him everywhere all the time