All these recipes for waffle batter are like "We just put cake mix in our waffle iron"
Milk Duds contain 35% fewer calories than any other candy I would consume in its entirety in a single sitting.
Almost threw up all over my yoga mat. Let’s weekend!
How do I report a bird that has attacked me twice without sounding crazy?
"Hello my name is Chloe. It's nice to meet you. You look like Fred Schneider of the B52s." And I have made a terrible first impression.
"Someone who would spy on the WIFE OF A POSTMAN WIFE OF A POSTMAN" and I may have misheard some Carly Simon lyrics.
There are cops on the roof across from my apartment which can only mean one thing: the Juggalos are in town.
Highlight of the week: Misspelling "Milk Duds" as "Milk Dudes"