Happy Birthday to the cat, hopefully he'll live to see the next one hahahahao http://t.co/YDgWwf5Ygx

"Ask me anything I said Just as long as you don't ask me about variable hoisting." Then I woke up. What does it mean?

When I listen to rock ballads I now mentally prepare for the chance that someone is going to start rapping over the top of the track

A tattoo of dollar signs on the scrotum

Do you think Eminem ever figured out which Spice Girl he wanted to impregnate? Asking for a friend.

Excited to re-announce @andymcmillan *AND I* have a little something on the way: http://t.co/MZHKqUEZhc (There's no "I" in "stupid")"

What if we replaced all the names on The Sopranos with Hebrew names, all the food with Jewish food and all the slang with Yiddish

Why can't you people just listen to disco

Sometimes I just stick my head in the toilet to really feel like shit you know

git i accidentally